Lions and Serpents and Angels and Lambs

So we did this activity in my English class where our teacher set up a co-ordinate system with the intent of identifying our personalities through a type of self- analysis. The horizontal axis took a measure of our violence or our passiveness; how inclined we were to react to a specific situation with physical force. The icon of violence, fittingly, was a lion while that of passiveness was a lamb. The vertical axis took a measure of our honesty or deceptiveness; how inclined we were to lie in situations that maybe demanded virtuosity. The icon of deception was a serpent and that of honesty an angel. And so we had to evaluate which quadrant we belonged to.
            I am a serpent lamb, a venomous lamb. I decided that I’m more inclined to lie. Not necessarily about cheating or anything of considerable importance, but rather I form false alliances and put on an act for people in order to save face. The same person who could trust me and confide in me can meet their secrets spilled out into the ears of others. It’s all just ammunition to me. But there were others in this group, so ironically I was comforted by the comrades who were just as deceptive. I am also a lamb; not that I wouldn’t react with violence if I could, maybe. I’m just too small. I found it easy to admit these things to myself, to accept them, but I can’t help but feel a guilt that accompanies that acceptance because I know that I’m using it as a justification for my personality. I would see the Angelic Lambs and think “How deluded, they can admit nothing to themselves. They don’t know who they are.” Without ever stopping to understand that those people do exist in the world and maybe they know exactly who they are.

            I found it interesting the people who classified themselves just as I would classify them, how an outside observer sees them and some people who perhaps thought better or worse of themselves than they should have. Maybe who you think you are is who you really are, but I would assume that if one thought it hard enough one would also become it.

            I didn’t find it hard to classify myself at all; I knew exactly who I was. I know exactly who I am. I didn’t have to think “Am I more violent than the average person?” No. Am I a bitch? Maybe. Probably. Yes. In the course from the “maybe” to the “yes” I inadvertently considered how others see me, or how I am expected to be. I would like to think that I knew in that moment that I was a Venomous Lamb and I was proud of it. I was proud of my ability to be passive and deceptive, as if I was mistaking cruelty for cunning. I think once that role is made for me, I assume it. I always say “I’m just going to start being a giant ass to people, who cares? Screw ‘em.” But I never am and I never do.